Self-intimacy is being with what’s real . . . even when it doesn’t make sense.

 

I turned a year older a few days ago

but I didn’t expect this kind of birthday gift . . .

 

The day began with an open heart full of excitement, preparing for a birthday photo shoot I had booked with a dear friend.

A celebration of life, of me, of who I am now.

 

I climbed trees, danced on logs and mosquitoes had me for breakfast. 😬

But by the end of the shoot, a wave of emotions came over me.

 

Just as I gave my friend Maria a big hug of thanks,

deep gratitude, love, joy, unworthiness, and grief all weaved into together.

 

How is it that I could feel so deeply supported… and still question if I deserve it?

How could I feel so full… and still carry such sadness?

 

Something inside me was shifting.

Something old was being grieved.

Something new was coming in . . . and I didn’t have words for it yet.

 

I just knew I wanted to be with it.

That’s what I gave myself on my birthday.

 

An honest day of Being exactly where I needed to be.

 

Sometimes, the most intimate thing you can do is just sit with what you feel even when you don’t know what comes next.

There's nothing wrong with feeling everything all at once..

 

You don’t need to name it.

You don’t need to explain it.

You just need to let it know:

It’s safe to exist here.

 

Right here.

Right now.

With you.

 

Simply stay with all of it,

even when the brain says “please go away” . . .

double down on letting it stay.

 

This is self-intimacy.

To hold your own hand.

To love yourself through.

To promise that this is enough.

 

If you’re feeling a lot right now too…

May this be your call to feel your human and Divinity all at once too

Know that nothing is wrong.

 

Let it be here. 

Let it speak to you. 

Let it breathe into you.

 

You're simply holding space for what’s Real.

 

Here’s my wish for you and myself.

May you be gentle with All of You.

 

xo Vanessa