A couple pointing fingers at each other.

Overcoming Shouting Matches


Ever notice how in shouting matches, nobody ever wins?

 Both parties feel like ars.

 Nobody walks away feeling like a winner.


Notice how our personal internal yelling matches pan out the same way?


So why do we perpetuate and insist on yelling louder and louder?


Because it’s biological? It works for lions, grizzly bears, and chimpanzees so why not humans?

Because it’s social programming?  Whoever stands at the podium can speak and everyone else sits silent.


So naturally “the louder you are, the more power you have” right?

Perhaps it worked for a while, but it’s just not the way I want to continue moving forward.


Shouting “STOP STOP STOP yelling at me” doesn’t work either.


So what can work?


What if shouting matches are just a ‘match’ of energy or vibration.

If it’s a match of energy, I can simply switch the ‘110 decibels coming out of my mouth’ to a ‘conversational 60 decibels’ and the other person naturally mirrors the 60 decibels.


It might take a few moments for them to register the switch, but they’ll come around.

 Now it’s up to you to give it a try.


The next time you find yourself in a shouting match, either with yourself or with someone else, let the fight bell go off and retire to your corner.

Deliberately choose the energy of your match and start the new round in that energy.


See what happens.



Live freely as you,

xo Vanessa


To receive private coaching and guidance with me, let's connect!



I respectfully acknowledge the hən̓q̓əmin̓əm̓ and Sḵwx̱wú7mesh speaking peoples, and all the Indigenous peoples of the Northwest Coast, on whose traditional and unceded territories I live, work and play.


Vanessa Leung is a Certified Mindset and Spiritual Life Coach, Speaker, Blogger, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Reiki energy practitioner and the founder of 80/20 Living & Co.

Vanessa teaches simple and practical tools to help purpose-driven leaders and entrepreneurs to succeed with ease and get sh*t done without the mind games. She helps her clients get right down to the root cause of all their fears, anxiety and self-doubt. 

Her clients learn to lead powerfully as their whole-hearted self by letting go of the hustle, people-pleasing and perfectionism in a way that is compassionate and self-loving.  They step into a new habit of being someone who naturally has more fun and more time and space to enjoy the things they love.

In every session, Vanessa’s clients uncover a deeper trust in themselves to follow-through on their goals with ease.  They are able to own their fears, make decisions with confidence, and truly embrace their own process and progress in life and business.

There's only one skill you need to move forward with confidence.  

When she’s not deep in creating new realities with her clients, you’ll find her out in the forest with her fur-love, Barley, or in the kitchen with her partner cooking up a storm.

Her power statement is I AM IN IT NOW.

Are you ready to live in SELF-MASTERY?

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