Do you feel stuck in your situation?  You want to move on but think you can’t?

As soon as I made the decision to go back to school and become specialized in holistic health, I immediately put myself behind bars by feeling guilty, thinking that I was letting my colleagues down by leaving them.  I was also feeling so excited for this new-found passion of mine but felt completely guilty for doing so at the same time.

I felt so lost and confused on who I was supposed to be during this transition.  

What was I supposed to feel?  

Excited or sad?

Who was I supposed to be?  

Holistic health student or Creative Director?  

To let go or keep holding on?

OLD THOUGHTS

• I feel like I’m letting go a part of me.
• I should feel excited about my new venture but I’m sad that I have to let it all go because it’s better to focus on one thing at a time.
• I want to be someone who can help others with their own struggle of overwhelm and digestive issues, but I spent so much time and energy into my lighting career I don't want to let it go.
• I’m trying to be both student and designer, but I have trouble focusing on one thing at a time.
• I should let go but I don’t want it to seem like I’m giving up design.

I was trying so hard to ‘right my wrong” by showing up to my job providing the best value I could.  Truth was no matter how hard I tried my mind was not into it anymore.

The guilt, the stress, the mental and emotional suffocation I had caused for myself was building up internally in my body.

At the age of 35, I developed asthma.  

I physically could not breathe.

I was trapped!  I had no idea I had made myself a prisoner in my own life by the way I was thinking about my circumstance - leaving my lighting design career.  

At this point, not only was my body sending me warning signals, the universe was also responding with signs.

The biggest ‘SNAP OUT OF IT’ sign showed up the night of my lowest day at work.  

Earlier that day, I had allowed my ego to take over in a business negotiation and left feeling displaced and unvalued.  I was complaining all the way to dinner about how my employer was ungrateful for the value that I had provided over the years.

Halfway through dinner, the man of presence himself, Eckhart Tolle, sat down just a couple of tables from me.

SNAP!

I realized that I was the one being ungrateful.  I had only a short time left at my job and I was not being present with it.  I was not cherishing my time left with my colleagues who I respected so much.

The business negotiation had nothing to do with me, it was business and I had made it mean that they were ungrateful for me.

As I had shared in last week’s post...

The circumstances in our lives

are completely neutral.

They do not cause us any pain,

unless we apply a thought to it that

makes us feel pain or discomfort.

NEW THOUGHTS

Having dinner with my life partner at a nice restaurant, sitting just a few tables from one of the most influential spiritual teachers, life was good.  

I get to choose how I think, feel and act!

I am blessed to be at a job that I love doing and working with people I love who also are supportive and excited for my new venture.

I CAN feel excited!

There is nothing that can hold me back!

Gratitude makes everything we have enough.

It’s ok for us to feel scared and excited about new transitions in our life.  That’s the amazing blessing we have a humans, we have the ability to FEEEEEEEEL and we have the ability to choose how we think about new opportunities.

Especially with us Creative types, we have the skill to use our intuition, determination and passion to guide us. xo