This was me just over 9 years ago! Don't I look HAPPY?!
I was drunk. This was my idea of happiness. As long as I can drown myself into this illusion of happiness, I was golden! Deep down inside, I was depressed and felt more alone than ever. I was trying so hard not to feel anything during this time of the year. I had just came from a party that I organized and needed my friends to bail me out by paying the bill. I had over-compensated and the rest of the evening was a blank. Reality was, I WAS NOT ALONE… YOU ARE NOT ALONE… WE ARE NEVER ALONE!
It's crazy how we can let our minds get into these cycles of self-pity, victimizing ourselves for something we have control over. "Why am I all alone?" "Why does this always happen to me?"… I admit, it's not easy to sway our mind when it's deep in sorrow, but just by changing a thought, we can change how we react, therefore change how we feel. No matter what our situation is, what our experience was in the past, we have the choice to shift by changing our thoughts. Another way to put it is, if we didn't have that thought that causes us loneliness, we wouldn't have that feeling. "Why am I willing to be surrounded by people who love me?" 'Why am I willing to be happy?" "Why am I willing to live in abundance?" We don't have to have the answers for these questions as the answers will show up eventually. With patience and time, we can see the hints and reminders.
That evening, I was not alone. I was surrounded by loving friends and family members who came out although there was a heavy snowfall that started just a few hours before the party. They came out just because I asked. I was loved. I had amazing friends who and helped me out that night. With deep gratitude, I forever be indebted to them.
If you are ever feeling like you want to crawl up into a corner on the floor and verbally abuse yourself, I invite you to be kind to yourself. You are not alone. You are loved and can be in love too. Love YOU!
Have a wonderful holiday. You deserve it!
Photo Credit: This picture was taken by a friend that I bumped into and happened to have his camera to catch this moment. Thank you Evan Haveman for this beautiful image that I can now embrace.